You can't live against yourself - Alice Windolf

I was successful, intelligent, committed—and completely exhausted.
On the outside, I led the perfect life: a career in administration, a harmonious marriage, a young daughter, a beautiful apartment with a garden, vacations, cafés. And on the inside? I was just functioning. That was all. I had ended up in a life that looked good—but didn't feel like me.
It was as if I had taken over someone else's life. Only with my body.

At some point, my body said: Stop.
At first, it was subtle and quiet—with exhaustion, sleep problems, the feeling of fading away. Then it became a little more forceful and louder—with burnout. And finally, it was definitive and unmistakable—with a heart attack.

The moment the emergency doctor told my husband, “We're taking your wife with us now. She's having a heart attack,” didn't feel real. I heard the words, but my head was echoing: Which woman does he mean? And I looked around the room in confusion, searching for a woman.
But he meant me. I had ignored my own inner voice for so long that it could no longer whisper, but had to scream.

How much you can lose yourself – when you stop listening to yourself

I remember how I used to count my steps on the way to work. To keep myself awake. To keep from standing still. To keep from collapsing. Coffee, sugar, persevere.

I told myself it was normal. That others felt the same way. That I had “everything.” And yet, every day I lost a little more of myself.

My longing for peace, depth, and meaning could no longer be ignored. And yet, I persevered. For my child. For my partner. For my colleagues. Just not for myself.

It was only when a friend dragged me to a shamanic women's evening that a crack opened. We blew on leaves – out with the old, in with the new. I blew the exhaustion out of me. And blew in the desire for space.

What came next was almost eerie: I got sick. Again and again. As if my body had taken this desire too literally. My last attempt to return to my old job ended at the hospital—with IVs, a life-threatening situation, and a diagnosis from the chief physician: all we could do was wait and see—and have respect for life.
Suddenly, it dawned on me: if I continued like this, I would not see my child grow up.

Mindfulness as a turning point in life – not a technique, but a reconnection

After three days in intensive care, I made a decision: I want to live!
Not just survive. Not just function. I want to feel who I am. What I really want. And I want to learn to trust that inner voice again.

That's how my journey began – first to energy healing, then to trauma therapy, and finally to mindfulness. And today I know: it all belongs together. The common thread is awareness. For me, mindfulness does not mean sitting still and thinking about nothing or sucking on a raisin for hours – even though that can of course be a wonderful way to get started.

It means connecting. With my body. With my feelings. With the moment. It means noticing what is alive within me – before it makes itself known loudly through illness, crisis, or exhaustion.

Today I know that one of the greatest manipulations is to believe that you can only develop through crises and shocks. The only thing you need is the will to decide for yourself – and to set out on your journey. This is easier in community than alone.

For me, a mindful moment today is walking barefoot through the garden. Or sitting in front of our masonry heater and letting the flames ground me.
Holding a hot cup of tea in my hand. Breathing – and really feeling that I am alive. Not later, not sometime. Now.

The Wheel of Awareness – Mindfulness that works in everyday life

The Wheel of Awareness is not just a beautiful image – it is an invitation to perceive ourselves in our entirety again: with our senses, our body awareness (interoception), our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, and our sense of connection.

It integrates almost everything – except for one thing: direct exchange with another person. That's precisely why my course format is designed to make this dimension tangible – even online. When we embark on this journey regularly, not only does our consciousness change, but so does our brain. Studies show that the Wheel of Awareness actually forms new neural connections. But that takes time.

Our consciousness can expand in seconds—just as my consciousness did in the hospital in response to the statement that conventional medicine could only wait and see. But our body—our matter—takes longer.

At least four weeks of daily practice for 20 minutes is enough for the new pathways in the brain to form stably. After about eight weeks, as many testimonials show, a new inner quality emerges. After that, just seven minutes a day is enough to maintain the effect.

We live in a time when everything is in motion. The vibration on Earth is changing. Many feel that we are heading toward a new level of consciousness—collectively and individually, with higher vibrations.

But matter has been present since the beginning of our wonderful Earth project—and has thus witnessed the course of evolution: from profound wisdom to every conceivable horror. This often makes it difficult for cellular beings to accept higher vibrations.

In order for our bodies to move into an era of higher vibration, we must allow them to undergo this transformation. Mindfulness is not a luxury here, but an evolutionary tool.

The Wheel of Awareness combines clarity with depth. And it works – inside and out.

Awareness as a spiritual practice – not detached, but embodied

Many people meditate – and yet still feel disconnected.
I believe this is because we often lack a connection to our bodies. To the present moment. To genuine, embodied experience.

The Wheel of Awareness offers exactly that: a reconnection to what is.
It strengthens our own perception – and our trust in it.
And it brings us into contact with who we really are: not our thoughts, not our stories, but consciousness itself.

I believe that spiritual development begins exactly there. Not in retreat, but in being. Not in flying away, but in breathing in.

My path today is different—and perhaps yours is just beginning

Today, I accompany people as a mindfulness trainer and trauma therapist (HP Psych). I combine sound psychological work with energetic awareness.

And I experience time and again that mindfulness is the foundation for everything—for healing, for relationships, for real change.

We cannot live against ourselves.
But we can learn to live with ourselves again – lovingly, awake, and connected.

If you feel that you are looking to reconnect with your inner compass, then take a look at the Wheel of Awareness. It is a quiet but powerful tool.

The course consists of two parts: the first four weeks (building awareness), the second four weeks (deepening awareness and observing awareness itself).

🗓 Free trial session:

• Monday, December 29, 2026, 6:30 p.m. - 7:45 p.m. (with a short Rauhnächte meditation)

Start dates for the ongoing 8-week courses are always Mondays, 6:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m.

• Monday, January 5 - January 26, 2026 (Part 1) and February 9 - March 2, 2026 (Part 2)

The compact course takes place in a hybrid format: online via Zoom or in person at my practice at the
Aquariana Seminar and Practice Center

Am Tempelhofer Berg 7d

10965 Berlin

Includes audio files for practice.

I look forward to seeing you!

Warm regards,

Alice Windolf